I had a bit of a break down when my Mom was here. I was have been so frustrated lately. All I want right now is some stability, I want to know what tomorrow's going to look like. I know it's impossible but I do wish I had some idea of what the future held for us.
Jon and I have been in such a state of flux for the last few years. We went from having our own home in CO, to renting one of my Dad/Step-mom's houses in TX, to having our own home in TX, to staying in a bedroom at my Dad/Stepmom's house, to a bedroom in Jon's parents house, to a small flat in Germany. Our transient lifestyle hasn't been ideal but it's this time of year - Christmas - that I upsets me the most. Our Christmas stuff has been packed up for years and for whatever reason I've felt like our Christmas traditions have been packed up as well. We haven't been able to put up our tree, with our silly little ornaments. We haven't been able to hang our Christmas stockings and our lights. But this year we are trying really hard to get back some of our traditions even if all of our stuff is still packed away.
Here's where my Mom comes in. I have ALWAYS loved her Nativity. It is gorgeous!! It is made from all white porcelain and isn't painted at all. She always cuts fresh branches from the evergreen and she decorates it with white lights. I could sit and stare at it for hours. Because it is so stark it doesn't tell the whole story and it allows the viewer to paint the rest of the picture. I told my Mom ages ago that when she dies, I'd really like to have her Nativity, but if she wanted to get rid of it sooner I'd be more than willing to take it off her hands. So of course my Mom has been trying to get my grubby little fingers off her Nativity for the next few decades and has been on a search to find me one of my own.
While it's nowhere as gorgeous as my Mom's - I love it! We found it at the Christmas Market in Berlin. I love that it's made out of natural wood, that it will be easy for us to pack up and take with us wherever our path may take us. Just like my Mom's Nativity it allows the viewer to paint the rest of the picture. It's simple, it's rustic - I love it!
Here is our Christmas window sill, with our little Santa, two red Christmas candles, and last but surely not least our Nativity.
I'm feeling good today. I am in the midst of a laundry tornado and I've been in and out all day running errands. But that's not why I feel good. I feel good because even though it was scary I went to the doctor all by myself. And you're thinking - you're 32, what's the big deal. Well, it probably wasn't a big deal and wouldn't have been to all of you, but for whatever reason going to the doctor was really scary for me. Now that I've gone (three days in a row) I can officially say I've face that fear and it's not so scary anymore. I'm also feeling good because (even though I'm not feeling better yet) I can see my wellness just around the bend, which makes me feel even better. :o)
Why three times in three days - no, it's not because I'm that sick, it's because they have funky hours of operation. There aren't that many English speaking doctors that also have English speaking reception staff to choose from, and unfortunately my German is still so bad that I need both so my options are drastically limited. When I got to the doctors office at 10:30 (which for me to get out of the house showered, dressed, and ready for the day, with my bouncing baby girl was pretty good.) they were closed. They are only open from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. and then again from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. except for Mondays and then only the morning hours. The receptionist was a little perturbed but she gave me a card and told me to come back the next morning. Tuesday morning rolls around and I leave Alessandra with Jon so I can get out more quickly. I hit the tram at 9:09 a.m., I should have been there by 9:29 but the tram broke down and what should have taken me twenty minutes took just less than an hour. UUGGHH! 10:05 I walk in the door and the girl isn't perturbed anymore she's pissed. She told me to leave and that the hours are from 8 to 10 and that the doctor couldn't see me. I explained my situation and pleaded with her to let me see the doctor. She had me stand in the corner (which I did, very obediently - I felt like I was five again but I wasn't going to take any chances on making her any more mad) and about five minutes later I was filling out paperwork and heading to the waiting room. I was back on the tram at 10:35 with an appointment to come back the next morning by 9:30, which I just barely made. WHEH!
I'm also feeling pretty good because in T-Minus 17 hours I'll be on a tram, that will take me to the train, that will take me to the plane, that will take me to my Enfumes! And, I'm actually looking pretty good to get out of the house pretty stress free tomorrow morning. Barcelona here we come! YAY! So excited!
We've had a bit of icky going around here. Alessandra caught a cold which isn't a big deal but she's also teething which means even more snot and some pretty disgusting diapers. Because of the yucky diapers we've also had a bit of diaper rash which just adds to the general ickiness that Alessandra has been dealing with. Luckily, this time around, no one else caught the cold so that's a blessing.
I have however been fighting some other sickiness. One of my main fears when moving here to Germany was not being able to get help when I needed it and then I did this which just solidified that fear. So now I'm finally on the hunt for a doctor who is fluent in English and who doesn't just want to send me to the hospital or medicate me at every sniffle and sneeze. I am hoping I can make a full recovery soon because all of this ickiness I've been feeling has been going on a little too long and I just want to feel good and normal again.