Friday, January 14, 2011

The Boys Choir

Yesterday was a really hard day, that's no surprise, you would have been 18 months old.  While every time the calendar rolls to the 13th day of the month I think about you, my heart aches, I want to see your beautiful face, and touch your velvety soft skin, this month it was especially hard.  Moving to Germany has been tough with your sister needing so much time and the girls adjusting to their new home.  But what I wouldn't give to have you causing me even more stress, having an extra hand to hold, and thing to think about.

Like I said I have had too much to do and I've been really busy so I stopped thinking about it, thinking about you, and I'm sorry for that.  But tonight I couldn't help myself.  You see tonight we went to go see the boys choir at the Thomaskirche.  I wasn't allowed to sit with everyone else because of Alessandra so I stood at the back.  As I watched all of those boys ranging in age from 6 to 18, singing and performing, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you and I cried.  I held your sister tight and rocked her back and forth to the music but all I could think of was you and how my arms were aching to hold you.  How I was missing you.

A nice old man came over and asked me if I wanted to sit down.  I told him thank you, but no I was fine.  I am better than fine.  I needed tonight.  I needed a good cry.  I needed to stop and think about you!

Mommy loves you and misses you like crazy!


  1. Your transparency is beautiful and precious, Charmian. I wish I had something wise and comforting to say, but all I can say is how very, very precious your words are. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  2. This is absolutely beautiful, friend. Thank you for opening your heart. I love you.

  3. Sometimes I'm afraid to put up the sad stuff. I don't want people to think I have any bad intentions when I post about my boy. I guess I need to not worry about it so much.
    Love you too!!

  4. It can be scary to let people in but luckily, for the most part, people are good, and kind, and caring.

    Thank you for your kind words!

  5. Lisa Kriederman1/2/11 5:37 PM

    It is so great to hear what's in your heart and mind. We all need a good cry every now and then. Hugs to you my lovely.

  6. Lisa Kriederman1/2/11 5:54 PM

    And before I forget........

  7. Thanks Lisa - and we love you!!!